Cream of Potato Soup

This morning was my doctor's appointment, and we had an uneventful drive up to Erie and arrived with time to spare. Mike and Ev dropped me off--I sent them to Best Buy with instructions to pick me up in an hour because I didn't want Evan terrorizing the waiting room.

The appointment itself was the shortest one I've ever had I think--the doctor was on time, and I was examined and we had a nice chat and I was done by 11:15. So I killed a half hour wandering around St. V's lobby and gift shop before I met Mike and we headed to the new Delta Sonic and back to Meadville.

I suppose you all want to know what the doctor said.

Basically, we've been given the green light to try for another baby. The doctor seems to think that since I've been so healthy since Evan was born (or healthy for the most part)--eating better, being active, no signs of an underlying hypertensive problem--that the chances I'll get preeclampsia again are pretty slim. I think she said there's about a 15% chance. She said there's nothing we can do ahead of time to keep the disease at bay, and really nothing we can do when I get pregnant aside from watching me very closely. That's why I've chosen to stay with my Erie doctors--though the commute sucks, I trust them and feel comfortable because they know me and how things went with Ev, so I think I'd feel better with them on a second go around. They'll be watching for signs of pre-e from day one.

So now we have a decision to make. I was secretly hoping that the doctor would say it's too dangerous to have another child--that way we could just accept that and move on and not have to make this decision ourselves. But it didn't happen like that, so Mike and I have even more discussing to do. It's a lot to think about.

Posted by jenny at 02:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Thanks for the input on the second child question. We're still accepting opinions and advice, so please keep it coming. I see the doctor on Thursday morning, so I'll update more on that subject then.

We are cold and tired--the rainy weather and the fact that we had no real weekend have worn us all out. Mike, his dad and I were in Rochester Friday night and Saturday to help his sister move to a different house, and Evan stayed here with Grandma. The moving wasn't terrible, but it does wear you out and makes you feel like you never got a break from the grind of the work week.

This week is looking like another busy one too. Mike has a lot going on at work, and Evan and I have swim class and play group and breastfeeding group and all that good stuff. We're also going to be in Erie for my doctor's appointment then again Friday so Evan can show off his costume to the family. We're going to be wiped out by the time it's all over.

At least changing the clocks back helped--Evan is back to an earlier nap time and an earlier bed time. It may not work out with therapy, but we'll see how it goes.

Posted by jenny at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Yesterday we were at swim class (which is going much much better) and one of the other moms asked me how old Ev was. I paused a minute before saying "21 months." Evan is 21 months old. Holy crap. I can't believe he's almost two. I can't believe Aidan is almost 3, and I can't believe Colton is almost 1. Again, holy crap.

Therapy is going better too. By better I mean not that Evan is making any great progress, but that he is tolerating his therapists and doing his best to play with them and not throw fits. We increase our visits next month, so I'm glad he's decided to go along with all this.

So here's a question for all of you loyal readers out there. As some of you may already know, Mike and I have been playing around with the idea of having another child. Well, actually, I have mostly and Mike just humors me. We have discussed this topic to death between the two of us, and I thought I'd get some more input while we mull it over.

Back in the days before Evan, we had said that we wanted a minimum of two children. I was actually hoping for three, but Mike was not crazy about that so we just kind of decided to talk about that bit later. Then the magnificent drama that was Evan's birth occured, and we were forced to rethink our plans. Having a preemie and having me so sick really scared the crap out of us and we began saying "One and done!" to anyone who would listen.

Time has passed, and though Evan is still quite a handful, I've started to think that now is a good time to make this decision. If we do have another child, I don't want he and Ev to be too far apart. I want Evan to have a brother or sister to play with, and I want them to grow up to be good friends (yes, I realize the friends part doesn't happen until later--as much as we fought growing up I love my three brothers and wouldn't trade them for anything).

But at the same time, being an only child wouldn't be the end of the world for Evan. If we decide against more children, will I regret it when I'm older? Do I really want to go through all that sickness and fear and worry again? I know that we're not guaranteed another preemie if we do this again, but the possibility is large enough that it has me pretty freaked out. Do I want to risk my health and my potential child's health? It's a lot to consider.

So Mike and I decided to wait until after my doctor's appointment next week to make the decision. I hope to discuss my options with her, get her take on the situation, and see if there are any steps we could take to insure a better outcome the next time. In the meantime, I'd like to hear what you all have to say. Do you think Evan needs a brother or sister? Do you think we shouldn't take the risk? Do you really want to hear my complaints through another pregnancy? Please comment below.

Posted by jenny at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Things continue on in their way here at our place. Evan still has good days and bad days. Some days he is cooperative, some days he doesn't want to do anything. Some days he's chatty, and others he rarely makes a sound. Every day is different.

Swimming is going better. If I don't let the instructor throw him in face first, Ev does much better. I even got him to kick his feet and splash on Monday. He is jumping off the sides now if I hold his hands. He's still a little fearful, but at least he hasn't been crying for the entire class. With any luck things will keep improving.

Play group is still tough every week. Evan has some trouble mixing with the group because he doesn't understand sharing and usually gets smacked by one of the older kids. He also seems pretty overwhelmed by all the kids at once. He usually calms down after a while and enjoys playing, but he plays mostly by himself near the other kids. I am hoping that this will improve with time as well.

Evan's sleep habits have been poor since he had a cold two weeks ago. He has been sleeping with us for about half of the night, which is very uncomfortable since he's so big now. Last night he slept the whole night in his bed again, but only after going to bed at midnight. He's trapped in a bad pattern. I have to keep him up later in the afternoon for his therapy, so he doesn't nap until after two. Because he waits so long to nap, he doesn't wake until four and then isn't tired at bed time. So bed time gets later, and he sleeps later in the morning, and I keep him up for therapy, and the cycle repeats. I have tried going without a nap, but that doesn't work either and he becomes unbearable--and he's not tired earlier because he slept in from the night before. Ugh. It's not making things easy around here.

Maybe I just have to start waking him at six am. Unfortunately, that means I also have to get up that early, and I don't know if that will ever happen.

Posted by jenny at 05:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It so happened that Mikaele and Tim and the boys made it down here last night, and boy was it fun. We haven't all gotten together like that in a long while, and it was great. The kids were well behaved for the most part, though Evan really has a hard time with the concept of sharing his toys. He controlled his rage though and everyone played together. I'm amazed at the things her boys do differently--talking and jumping and climbing. It's pretty neat to see.

Not to be forgotten, Mike's folks also stopped by yesterday while on a drive to see the foliage. They brought lots of things to spoil Evan, including a kitchen set complete with dishes and a grocery cart with real groceries inside. They were garage sale finds of Grandma, and are in really good shape. Evan has been playing with them non-stop so far, so I think they are a hit.

Now we have a free Sunday, and we hardly know where to begin. Mike's in the shower now, and we'll probably cook up a plan for a day of family fun.

Posted by jenny at 10:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was talking to Mikaele this morning (as I do every morning--part of our daily routine since becoming moms) and we had been talking about how we are in touch every day but haven't seen each other for weeks. It has been quite awhile, as it's hard to coordinate our schedules with therapy, play dates, swim lessons, and everything else we do. But we make the effort, and she offered to bring the boys (that includes Tim) down this Saturday for a visit. Here's hoping everyone feels well enough to make it!

I was also e-mailing back and forth with Elaine last night. That was nice too--we really use each other to complain about things, but the other always offers a new perspective or at least a sympathetic ear. I think we've always done well keeping in touch, but we've made a better effort since her wedding in August. Seeing each other is great and serves to remind us all why we've stayed friends so long--and it usually jump starts our e-mailing and calling and writing again. I hope she and B can make it east in the near future!

I just love my friends so much. I know that sounds super cheesy, but I really do. They are so important to me. I love my old friends because they are a constant source of support and are such wonderful people, I love my new friends here in Meadville because they're helping me feel more at home here, and I love all the internet friends this site has brought in (well, Mike's site brought them) because I love reading their comments and hearing their stories.

Okay, end of cheese from sappy me. Have a great weekend everyone--enjoy the autumn leaves and have a cup of cider!

Posted by jenny at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's super windy here today. The windows rattle a lot in this house, and it makes me nervous. It always sounds like someone's trying to break in.

Well, after many days on the phone, we finally got Evan scheduled for his eval at Children's. His therapists told me that it wouldn't be until February or something (because they are so busy) but we got an appointment for November 13. i'm just glad it's not a Friday. I'm already nervous about it.

Mike's looking at it positively though--at the very least if they say nothing's wrong it will finally put our minds at ease. If they do find something wrong, well, I guess we'll deal with that too.

Posted by jenny at 04:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The beautiful weather of the past few days gave way to wind and cold rain today, and I'm not all that excited about it. It was so pleasant to be able to walk to town and enjoy the fall colors--now we rush in out of the cold, trying not to get soaked.

Evan doesn't appreciate this weather. He blinks furiously against the wind, and it still takes his breath away a little bit. I wonder what he's going to think of snow this year.

Posted by jenny at 09:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This weekend was a beautiful one, in many ways. Friday was a great day because Mike took some time off to spend with me and Evan at the pumpkin farm. Ev wore his Superman costume and we took lots of pictures as he ran between the rows of pumpkins and climbed on the displays. We spent the afternoon playing outside until Uncle Jer arrived on his way home from law school to join us for dinner and a nice quiet evening.

Saturday we woke to sunny skies and enjoyed the beautiful autumn colors as we drove north east to my cousin's house for his wedding. The day was perfect, warm and bright, and the marriage celebration was fitting for such a lovely day. Mike did double duty as guest and wedding photographer, and Sarah was kind enough to take the camera for a bit and get this photo of our family after the ceremony.

As the day wore into night, many of the wedding guests stayed on to sit around a bonfire. What an excellent end to the day. We used the opportunity to teach Evan more about "hot", but he was really more interested in running up and down the porch steps and playing with the twinkle lights. Once he was sufficiently worn out, we drove back home to go to sleep.

Today it was back up to Erie to spend the afternoon at my mom's, snacking and watching football. Mike napped and Evan and I ran around for most of the time, because none of use were that interested in the Browns. When that game was over we headed up to my dad's to hang out with Jerry a little while longer and have some of my dad's lasagna. Evan wore himself out playing with everyone and fell asleep on the way home.

It was really a great weekend, and I think it was just what we needed.

Posted by jenny at 09:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

After talking with Evan's OT today and talking it over with Mike yesterday, I called Ev's doctor to make the referral to Children's. With the long wait ahead of us (from what I've heard so far, we probably won't get in to see anyone there until February) I figure one of two things will happen. Either Evan will improve to the point that we can cancel the eval, or he will be no better than he is now and we will go ahead and have him looked at. It is hard having such a long wait, but I think that will allow us to work more with him and maybe rule out some things.

I feel like this is all we've been thinking about for the past week. It's so bad that I'm almost neglecting the fun stuff and the normal stuff in favor of all this therapy. I have to remember that Evan is just a little boy and not a walking disorder, but some days it's not easy. I have to remind myself to be fair to him--this is his childhood and I don't want to make it hard or unpleasant for him.

This is the time that I get angry with myself. I feel like I am not doing enough to help Evan, or that I am doing so much that it's making him miserable. I feel angry that he was born early and sometimes jealous of those people that had "normal" pregnancies and "normal" babies. I know that feeling this way doesn't help anything, but sometimes I just want to scream. I feel like I'm being pulled in 20 different directions, and I don't know what to do next. And then I feel guilty for those feelings and realize that even though we don't have it easy, things could definitely be a lot worse. So I'm not the most emotionally stable person lately, but I'm trying to do better.

I'm lucky that I have family and friends that I have been able to talk to about this. I appreciate talking to Mikaele every morning--even if it's only for five minutes. She updates me on things at her house and I let her know what's going on here and we complain a bit and go on with our days. It helps me so much because she's been through all the therapy stuff ten times over and she knows what this is like. I appreciate everyone who has been concerned about us and has offered help or just a friendly ear, whether you're close by or miles away. It makes our days that much easier.

I think this weekend will be a good one. Mike's taking off work tomorrow to come with us to the pumpkin farm. Evan's therapy agency is sponsoring the trip and it should be a nice time. Tomorrow night Jerry will be coming home from law school for the weekend, and we have a family wedding on Saturday. Hopefully I will be able to see my mom sometime too, and that will make our weekend complete.

I just want to relax and have fun for a few days, and try not to worry.

Posted by jenny at 04:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Swimming didn't go as well today. Evan was less than thrilled with being in the water, and he only tolerated one dive. He complained the whole class, and I was very happy when the half hour was done. Better luck next week.

We're still not sure where we stand with sending Evan to Children's for evaluation. I met with his speech therapist today to hear her view of things, and we need to hear more from his occupational therapist before we make a final decision. Hopefully that will be tomorrow--I don't like this hanging over our heads.

Posted by jenny at 10:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Swim class went, well, swimmingly. For the most part anyway. Evan was pretty excited when he saw the pool, and he enjoyed being in the water. The class is largely unstructured--moms just hold their babies in the water, walking backwards and encouraging them to kick their feet. Sometimes we bounced in the water, or played with a ball or foam noodle.

Every few minutes the teacher would come over to us and say "Is Evan ready to dive?" at which time she would pick Ev up in the air and throw him in the water face first. This startled us both, but we got used to it. Evan wasn't exactly thrilled, but it's the only way to get him used to going underwater. So it was an interesting new experience for us both.

We go back for more tomorrow.

Posted by jenny at 09:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After the stress of the past few weeks (especially Thursday night and Friday), Mike and I had enough and packed up Evan Friday night and headed to Cleveland for free babysitting and relaxation. It helped a whole lot, we were able to forget about all the craziness here for a bit and spend some time having fun. It was nice.

We came back early yesterday afternoon so I could catch Cara at her house before she drove back to NC after her weekend here. We only spent about an hour together, but that was also very helpful. It's always nice to see her. She took some pictures of Evan and had her mom take some of us before I left, and I hope they turn out. As her mom was taking the picture, she commented on how many pictures we've taken together over the years and asked us just how long we've been friends. After thinking for a minute and counting on our fingers, we came up with almost 18 years. Wow. That is a really long time.

Now it's Monday morning, and Evan and I are preparing for our first swim class. It should be fun-I'll report more tomorrow.

Posted by jenny at 09:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Evan and I spent the day in Erie yesterday, and we had a really nice time aside from the snow and hail. We did a little visiting and a little shopping, and Evan was happy to be out and about. We returned home hoping for a relaxing evening with Daddy.

What we got was messages from each of Evan's therapists with some interesting news. Apparently he's not doing as well as I had hoped, because his therapists are suggesting that Evan should go down to Children's in Pittsburgh for a complete evaluation--gross motor (which I thought was great), fine motor, speech, etc. I was rather shocked that this was thought to be the next step for him, but I guess that's where we're headed. So I spent most of the night upset and worried.

I suppose it's not terrible, but you hear "Children's Hospital" and immediately panic.

So last night was not great, adding more stress to an already stressed family. Mike is stressed about work and I'm stressed about Ev and we haven't had any time alone in weeks and I think it's taking it's toll. We're both just so wound up and there's no end in sight.

But on a good note, Evan is going to be Superman for Halloween.

Posted by jenny at 09:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)