Like a gull takes to the wind

Suddenly, I'm feeling very pregnant. My belly has started getting in the way, and I can't see certain parts of me anymore. My hips are killing me, and so is my lower back. And I begin to wonder if I'll ever stop peeing. I'm going to try not to complain too much about it though, because I'm really making an effort to enjoy this pregnancy. But I do have a blog, so let me take a moment to bellyache.

Last night I was so excited to go to my swim class because that's the only place I feel normal anymore. No achy joints, no heavy belly when I'm in the water. It was wonderful, but within 5 minutes of getting out of the pool I was waddling again. The pain isn't bad enough to limit my activity, but it is getting annoying. The kicker is that I haven't even gained that much weight yet--I'd say maybe six or seven pounds for the whole pregnancy. But somehow it's all migrated to the front, and it's making my back very angry.

Even though I'm feeling well, I told Mike that I'm probably going to spend the next few months waiting for the other shoe to drop. When I was pregnant with Ev, preeclampsia started to come on at about 26 or 27 weeks, and it worsened to "emergency status" very suddenly. I'm always on guard now--checking my blood pressure, looking at my face and hands for signs of swelling. And while it's good to be vigilant, it's also kind of weird. The whole thing took me by surprise last time, and this time I think I'll know it's coming if it does. And I wouldn't be the least bit shocked. What's going to shock me more is if May comes and I'm still pregnant.

Maybe this isn't the best attitude, but I'm feeling pretty calm about it. I know that was Mike's biggest fear about having another child--my inevitable freakout if my health began to decline. I feel better knowing what I'm up against though. When I try to talk about it, so many people say, "well, that won't happen this time," and I know they're trying to convince me that all will be well, that last time was just a fluke. And while that's great, I almost feel better thinking that it is going to happen again. That way I can prepare myself, I can be ready for what's ahead. I know that I've done everything in my power to prevent it, but if it comes anyway then that's how it has to be.