Cream of Potato Soup

Evan had his 4 year doctor visit yesterday, and I guess it went well. He was very cooperative with the nurse for weight, height, and blood pressure, and mostly compliant with everything the doctor did. He didn't freak out until the guy tried to look in his ears, but that's such an improvement over previous years I didn't mind. I mean, he used to start freaking out when we put him on the scale.

Anyway, Evan is 3' 4" tall and weighs 36.5 pounds--pretty much right in the middle of the pack for his age. Everything else looked fine, aside from the usual talk of developmental delay and diagnosis. Now let me say that we've been pretty lucky, and we only see the doctor about once a year since Ev rarely gets sick (knock wood). So at our visit last March, Ev had not yet uttered a single word, and was still struggling with a lot of social and texture issues. He's made such huge strides in the past nine months or so--started speaking and is now using sentences, resolved several of his texture aversions, and strengthened his social skills, both with adults and other kids.

But the doctor was quick to point out areas where Evan is still lagging. He kept referring to the "normal" four year old behavior when Ev would react to something, and I guess that bothered me a little. We've shifted to a focus on Evan's good progress, especially since there's so much to be excited about in that area. I realize he's still very far behind where he should be, but at the same time he's so far ahead of where he was. I like Ev's doctor, don't get me wrong, but it was a little tough to get the same old developmental delay lecture. I've grown used to the teachers and therapists that see Ev weekly and can see all the progress that I see. I guess when you're the doctor, you just get used to seeing what's wrong and it's hard to point out the good stuff. I also got a lecture on potty training, but again no useful information or help or suggestions, thank you very much for nothing.

Enough of me being snarky--what's important is that Evan continues to be healthy and keeps growing. I'm proud of all the progress he's made over the past year, and I know he's going to continue to surprise us all.

Posted by jenny at 8:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It's that time of year again--time to help save the lives of premature babies by participating in WalkAmerica. Last year Mike and I raised over $400 for our local chapter, and we were excited to be able to help. This year I won't be able to walk though--my big belly and quest to not have another premature baby prevents it.

Luckily, I have a very good blogfriend who has offered to walk in my place. Eden over at so anyway... (a very cool chick and mother of two herself) will be participating for the first time this year. I will be sponsoring her in an effort to help her blow my old fund-raising record out of the water. I hope you will consider sponsoring her too--here is a link to her personal sponsorship page. Please check it out, and help support this worthy cause.

Evan thanks you, and so do I.

Posted by jenny at 12:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Evan has a new cousin! Aunt Jo, Uncle Brad and cousin Isaiah welcomed baby Noah into their family this afternoon. We're so happy for them--hopefully we'll get to go meet the little guy tomorrow. I'm excited to have another nephew, and I know Mike's parents are excited to have three (soon to be four) grandsons!

Now I just have to go map out all the rest stops on I-90 for our trip to Rochester. I know I'm going to have to pee every half hour, and I want to be fully prepared.

Posted by jenny at 9:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My 28 week doctor's appointment was yesterday, and I got a real shocker. Everything is fine. I've gained 15 pounds so far, my blood pressure is ideal, and my belly (and baby) are measuring right on target. I know, I was shocked too. I go back on April 12--3 weeks from now. I'll be 31 weeks pregnant then, which is the most pregnant I've ever been. Sweet.

I also had my "glucose challenge" yesterday, which isn't nearly as fun as it sounds. You drink the orange sugary drink, you wait an hour, they draw your blood. If I don't get a phone call by the end of the week, I'm in the clear--no danger of gestational diabetes. I'm not anticipating a problem, because that seems to be the one thing I didn't develop with my last pregnancy.

So that's it--things are going fine, and I'm feeling good (aside from tired, but what else is new). Some optimism is creeping into my life, and I'm starting to believe things might be okay this time. In the words of my 99 year old grandmother, I'll "keep doin' what I been doin'" and hope for the best.

Posted by jenny at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

It was another quiet weekend at home for us, aside from Mike yelling at the TV when his NCAA Tournament brackets were in jeopardy. We spent a lot of time laying around, watching or playing basketball (Ev's hoop is in the living room), and really doing nothing constructive. That's definitely not a bad thing.

The highlight of the weekend was a visit from our friend Alan, whom we had not seen for over a year. He came up from Pittsburgh for Saturday afternoon, and we just hung out, had lunch, and talked. It's always nice to see him, as he's one of those friends you are able to not see for a while but still remain close. Not that I'd recommend not seeing your friends for any length of time--we're hoping to make a trip to see him and Heather this summer after the baby arrives.

Alan did point out something funny that's always bugged me about having this blog. We didn't need to spend any time "catching up" on details of life, because he reads our blogs. Alan has a blog too (more than one, I think), but he hasn't been updating regularly lately, and I called him on it. So we didn't need to go on about my pregnancy, or Evan's progress, because Alan had read up already.

I've found that's the case with a lot of things. When I call my family, they already know most of my news. Or Mike's parents will call and start by commenting on something I've written. Or we'll see my cousins once every two or three months, and we don't need to fill them in because they've kept up with us here. It doesn't necessarily bother me, but it is a little weird sometimes.

What's even weirder is that there are many people who read here I can't even see. People who don't comment, people I either don't know or don't see in real life. I have quite a few "regular" commenters--other bloggers I've come to have friendships with or family and friends I don't see often. But I know there are quite a few reading who don't comment, and even more who I don't even know are reading. I don't generally think about it, but once in a while I realize there are people out there who know what I'm doing, or have read my thoughts, but I have no idea they are here.

Are they old friends I've lost contact with? People who found me through Mike's site, or Erie blogs? People who have no link to me at all in real life? It's kind of funny to consider. I have to say it doesn't bother me, but it just strikes me as odd once in a while. There are people out there who know all about me and I don't know a darn thing about them. I'm on display, and I don't mind.

Another good reason to consider this is the Erie Bloggers In The Wild meet-up coming up next Thursday, March 30th. It's at 7 pm at Panera's in Yorktown for any Erie bloggers or anyone interested in learning more about blogging in general. I'm really looking forward to it, but I'm almost feeling nervous about it already--kind of like a blind date. I'll finally be meeting the people I've been reading for months or years, and I'll be meeting some of the other bloggers I've looked up to. And people will be meeting me for the first time, even though they already know so much about me. Yikes! My only hope is that I won't come off as too much of a dork.

Posted by jenny at 9:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I started weeping today when I heard "Come Dancing" by the Kinks on the radio. Seriously.

Also, I drove today for the first time since Sunday, and now my belly hits the steering wheel. I have to put my seat really far up to touch the pedals because my legs are so short, but now my baby belly fills the gap. Soon I won't be able to drive anymore at all.

Posted by jenny at 6:50 PM | Permalink

Evan's all better now, for those of you who were concerned. Really, he was only coughing much at night, which led to lots of snuggles and me not sleeping. But last night Ev was back in his own bed and not coughing, so we figure this small sickness has passed us by. Hooray for winter ending soon (I hope).

The last two mornings Ev has been dressed and ready for the bus a full hour ahead of time. Let me tell you what a long hour that is. Honestly, for the last fifteen minutes of it he's standing with the front door open yelling, "Hey! Bus! I'm ready!" It's very cute. I'm glad he likes school and the bus so much, and you can bet I'm blogging this to show him when he's 13 and I can't bomb him out of bed in the morning.

You know those "Big Brother/Little Brother" shirts I bought a few weeks ago? Evan found his in his dresser yesterday and he fell in love with it. He put it on immediately, and didn't want to take it off. Then he walked around with the "Little Brother" one in his hand for a while so he could show me that they matched. I think he likes the shirt because it has all his favorite sports stuff on it, because he also insisted on wearing it to school today. I thought it wasn't exactly appropriate since his brother is still incubating, but whatever. I can't bear to crush Evan's excitement about anything.

I'm doing fairly well this week. The contractions continue, but as long as I spend some time on my left side each hour I'm okay. There's no real pattern to them either--sometimes they come after I'm active, sometimes they come when I've been laying in bed for an hour. It's very odd, because I never felt contractions when I was pregnant with Evan at all. This is new territory for me.

I've also started giving myself little pregnancy goals. I'm hoping that by breaking up the next 13 weeks into chunks, I will feel like things are going faster. My first goal is April 2. I want to make it that far because the Erie Blogger Meet-Up is March 30th (7 pm, Panera on 12th, be there) and I don't want to miss that, and my baby shower is April 1st (I really really don't want to miss that!). If I make it that far, I'll set another little goal. Makes things interesting.

That seems to be all that's going on here. I'm going to take it easy for the next few hours while Ev's still at school. Thursday afternoons are our busiest, and I want to make sure I'm up to the challenge.

Posted by jenny at 9:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I found the screws for the crib! They were in a very logical place--in a Rubbermaid box under Evan's bed. I'm lucky to have happened upon them this morning while I was looking for stuff for the humidifier. Now baby has a safe place to sleep, and I can rest easy. I'm so excited to have the crib up and ready. My third trimester starts this week--there's a baby coming soon!

Evan stayed home from school today. He was up most of the night coughing, and he just doesn't sound good. He doesn't have a fever though, and he is acting normally, so I don't think it's much to worry about. It will just make for a long day for me, as I only slept from 10 pm until 1:45 am last night. I got up to pee and that was the end of me--I was up snuggling Evan for the rest of the night. So I'm pretty wiped, and I wish I had a little caffeine and sugar around here to get me through.

That's all for now. I'm off to set up the humidifier that shoots that smelly vapor stuff all over the room. Anything to help the kid.

Posted by jenny at 9:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

After all the excitement of drinking from a cup and eating soft foods, I hardly know where to begin. I'm really glad that Evan is doing some new things these days, and more than that, he's still doing them. A lot of things he's done were a one-time shot (see potty training) so we're always wary of new skills, especially long awaited ones. But Ev seems proud of his latest accomplishments. He hasn't even asked for a sippy cup since Thursday, and that's progress in my book.

We spent another quiet weekend at home, which feels so odd. It seems like our weekends are usually very full, and this little stretch of inactivity has been different, but nice. We were able to spend time just laying around and playing basketball with Ev. We also got some things done around the house--cleaned out the inside of the car, brought the crib and changing table down from the attic, started washing some baby stuff. Little things, but they make me feel better because I'm crazy and I need everything to be ready right now.

I was pleased to get those things done today, but there is one small problem. The crib we have converts to a toddler bed, and Ev used the bed mode for almost two years before he got a regular twin bed. Toddler bed mode was essentially just taking the drop side off of the crib to make it a three sided bed. So I had the one side of the crib in the attic first, and then when he got the twin bed, I took the rest of the crib apart and put it in the attic.

When I did that, I put the four important screws for the long side of the crib somewhere. Of course, that was over a year ago, and now I can't remember where I put them. I know it would have been somewhere "safe" so they wouldn't get lost, but I have no clue where the hell that is. I looked all over, couldn't find them, and even went to Home Depot for replacements. Tried two sizes, neither worked. So I'm either going to have to find the originals, or keep looking for some new screws that actually fit. Here's hoping it gets figured out soon, no matter what I have to do, or I'm going to forget about it and the crib will collapse on the poor kid.

I'm still having contractions, but they're sporadic and not painful (just uncomfortable), so I figure we're okay. I'm spending as much time as I can on the recline, drinking water. That's about all I can do from here. I sit and fold baby blankets and try to imagine life with two kids. I get excited, I get terrified, I have a snack. Imagination will become reality sooner than I think.

Posted by jenny at 9:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This is not going to be a long post, because I should have been in bed an hour ago, but I have to share this. Not only has Evan started eating pudding, ice cream and peanut butter toast over the past few days, but tonight he drank from a regular cup. A real glass glass. No kidding. He dribbled a bit, but he did it. And then he cheered.

Who is this kid? I'm not going to stay that all of his sensory problems are gone, but he's made significant progress this week. I mean, we've been working on soft foods and drinking from a cup since Ev was about 2 1/2. And I don't want to jinx it, but he asked to use the potty twice today and then chickened out when he got to the bowl. Something is happening here, friends, something very good is happening.

Posted by jenny at 10:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Yesterday was a monumental day for Evan. He started taking the bus to school. We always walked there because we live so close, but with the new baby coming and Ev's interest in all things vehicle, we thought this would be a good move. We were absoultely right. He loves riding the bus. He was so excited yesterday--he jumped right on the bus in the morning, and when he came home at noon he didn't want to get off. Today he was ready and waiting at the door a full 15 minutes before it was due to arrive. I'm glad he's enjoying it, and it gives me an extra hour to myself on preschool days. Definitely a good change for both of us.

We also have had some food excitement over the past two days. Evan ate ice cream and pudding for the first time in about two years. I know that doesn't sound very remarkable to most people, but for us it's a complete thrill. If you're a long time reader here, you know that Ev has had this oral defensiveness that won't allow him to eat lots of things--slimy things like fruit, soft things like yogurt or pudding, cold things like ice cream or popsicles. He used to projectile vomit when he would touch or even see some of these things, and with time and work we got to a place where he could tolerate being near them, but wouldn't touch or eat them.

We even spent one summer at a feeding program in Pittsburgh, and that actually set Evan back rather than helped him. He didn't respond well to being forced into tasting things, and after that was over he wouldn't even try anything out of the ordinary. But slowly through brushing therapy and OT at the hospital, we've worked our way back.

Ev and his OT started working with pudding a little over a month ago. The first session he wouldn't go near it, the second time he touched it with a paintbrush and used it to paint, and the third time he put his finger in the pudding and used it as fingerpaint. The last time he was there he was teasing his OT--putting some pudding on his finger and then putting his finger in his mouth, but so that it didn't actually touch his mouth. What a stinker, but we were making some progress at least!

Then at home this week we made pudding together from a mix. Evan helped stir it and put it in the fridge, and I served us each a bowl after dinner last night. He ate it! Not a ton, maybe four or five small bites, but that was enough for us. We cheered for him, and he cheered for himself. The day before he had put a small bit of ice cream on his tongue, but we thought that was just a fluke. But two days in a row! We're definitely getting somewhere. I'm so glad that Ev's getting to a place where he's willing to try things, where he might start expanding his horizons a little bit.

It's so wonderful for us to watch Ev grow and change right before our eyes. I'm interested to see his progress, and the best thing now is that he realizes he's making progress. He's getting excited about trying new things and what he's able to do. Evan at age four means something new every day, and we're all loving it.

Posted by jenny at 8:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I wasn't sure if I should write about this, but I think I will. Maybe getting it out there will make me feel better, even if it's something I won't want to remember months or years from now.

I'm sure most everyone knows how long it took us to get pregnant this time. We started trying when Evan was about 18 months old, and over two years later we finally gave up. Then I got pregnant. It's funny the way that works, isn't it? But I was so excited to have what we'd been hoping for, finally, to complete our family. At least, I felt like I should be thrilled--but thing is, I was really more terrified than happy.

And that feeling has never gone away. Of course there's that fear in the background, that fear that something will go wrong again. That's part of it, but I have to admit another part of it is just not being excited. I want to be excited, I really do, but I'm just not feeling it the way I felt it with Evan. Mike and I talked about it the other night--he feels the same way. I don't know if it's a "been there, done that" kind of feeling that everyone gets with the second child, or if it's something more. Maybe we're steeling ourselves in case of calamity. Maybe we're worried about handling another child, and how we're going to manage. Maybe we're so consumed with Evan that it's hard to imagine someone else in our lives. I don't know, but I know I don't like feeling this way.

I want to say that of course I realize how lucky we are. I know that both of our children are miracles, and I'm sure I'll love this baby just as much as I love Evan. I guess I just thought that after trying so long that I'd be giddy every moment once I got what I'd waited for. I keep saying I want to enjoy this pregnancy, but I don't feel like I'm really doing that. I'm not good at being pregnant, and I am constantly worried about something--I can't relax, no matter how hard I try.

I should be so thrilled, buying baby stuff and getting his room ready, looking forward to the day when I finally meet him. I should be dreaming about our new little man and celebrating this wonderful time in my life. Instead, I almost feel like it's more of a burden than a blessing, and I just hate myself for feeling this way.

Posted by jenny at 10:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It's 4:45 am and I've been awake for the past hour. Not sure why--I got up to pee, then after going back to bed I couldn't fall asleep. Baby was doing somersaults in my belly, and suddenly I realized I was starving. A bagel and some OJ later and I'm here on the computer completely awake.

I'm feeling okay since my little hospital scare, though I have to admit it's changed things around here. I'm scared because I know now that I can be having contractions and not feeling them, but it's my hope that if they were doing business I'd be able to feel something. So that has me on edge. We've also been spurred into getting the stuff ready sooner--doing some extra cleaning this weekend, getting some baby stuff set up. If we get enough done tomorrow I'll be able to start washing and sorting clothes. I know it seems early, but I'd feel better doing it twice than not having it done at all!

I've been trying to take it easy as much as possible too. That's hard for me to do, but I'm trying. It helps that we didn't have anything really going on this weekend, so we were able to run by our own schedule. We all slept in a little, spent a little extra time on the couch during the day, and I guess that's really not a bad thing. I think it annoyed Ev a little, because he generally likes to be on the go, but even he seemed happy with just hanging out.

The one thing Ev is really into lately is "driving the car". By this I mean when we go anywhere, we now have to leave about ten minutes early, because Ev wants to take his turn starting the car and pretending to drive it before we get going. When he's ready to go, he'll say, "Evan drives the car, yeah?", and then ask for my keys. We'll then go out, and he'll unlock the car, hoist himself into the drivers seat and put the key in the ignition. Then he'll spend a few minutes playing with the turn signal, turning the wheel, and fiddling with the radio. And don't worry, I'm right next to him the whole time, because I remember when Timmy drove my mom's car into the side of my grandmother's garage when he was two or three and that's not something I'd like to repeat! I'm not sure what started this car craze, but I don't mind humoring him (except in the morning when we're trying to get to therapy on time).

So that's what's been going on here. I think I'm rambling a bit, so I'll try to go back to bed now. Maybe I can squeak out another hour or two before I need to eat again.

Posted by jenny at 4:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Yes, you read that right. I had my first trip to L&D yesterday, at only 25 weeks! That's a new record, even for me. And it's all because I am a dumbass.

Anyone who knows me well knows what a spectacular klutz I am, and I'm even more so when I'm pregnant. Yesterday was no exception, when I jammed the edge of our laundry basket so hard into my belly that it took my breath away. I could explain how I did it, but it's just stupid and reinforces my total lack of grace, so I will refrain. Let's just say it hurt and so I called my doctor to see if they wanted me to come in or not.

Of course they wanted me to come in (they are nothing if not overcautious, which is why I like them so much) so they could hook me on the monitor to see if I was contracting. Mike and Ev came with me, and while I was chilling on the monitor for half an hour, they went to Burger King for chicken nuggets and Playland. I figured they would see I was fine, check the heartbeat, and send me on my way. But it turned out I was contracting, so after my time was up the nurse decided I needed to go across the street to be admitted to L&D.

This completely unwound me, and when Mike pulled into the parking lot to pick me up I started to cry. I think that scared the crap out of him, but I explained what was going on and we put a plan into action. After a quick call to my mom to see if she could come get Evan (she could, thank God), I was up on the 5th floor in one of those cute little gowns with the monitor on my belly again. If you've ever seen one of these monitors, they have two belts that go around your belly--one that monitors contractions, and one that monitors baby's hearbeat. But I'm not even far along enough for them to be able to monitor the heartbeat on one of those things--so they just took a quick heart check with the doppler. That really scared me, because then I realized how early I really was--I mean, 30 weeks is one thing, but 25 is a road I didn't really want to walk down.

Luckily, everything was fine. I didn't contract anymore while I was in the hospital, and they did bloodwork and a sonogram and everything checked out there too. We also got further penis confirmation with the sono, so I feel a little more confident about that blue stuff I bought! I was in the hospital for just under 4 hours total, which wasn't bad at all. The nurses were lovely and the food menu didn't look awful, so I'm not dreading delivery time as much anymore (I had Ev at Hamot, so I've had no experience with stuff at St. V's).

It was nice to know that all is well, and hopefully it was just an isolated incident. I'm supposed to take it easy and be extra careful, which I'm sure Mike will make sure I do. Let's hope I'm not back in there for another few weeks at least.

Posted by jenny at 10:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)