Cream of Potato Soup

We're taking Grady for his first weekend away to Grandma and Papa's house. I forgot the sheer volume of stuff you have to take for a baby--we had Evan down to a managable suitcase. Now we are back to bringing everything we own, and watching me fret all day about forgetting something. Like the camera! Or the diapers! Or the 800 outfits! What are we to do?

Luckily, I've already packed the leftover fireworks from last year. Because I can already hear myself saying, "Evan, get that lit sparkler away from your brother's head." I love the Fourth of July.

Posted by jenny at 11:29 AM | Permalink

I had my baby book out this week. Now that Grady's here, we're going through the same "who does he look like?" routine that we went through with Evan. And just as before, we can't agree--some say the boys look like me (or my brothers), some say Mike, and I guess we just have to settle with there being a little of both. But of course I wanted to drag out the pictures just to see.

Once I had the book out, I took some time to really look through it myself. I've looked at it hundreds of times since I was little, but this time it was different. This time, I wasn't just looking at me--I was looking at everything. At the backgrounds, at the presents under the Christmas tree, at my mother holding me. I looked at her hair, her clothes, how thin she was, and how young. She was just shy of 25 when she had me, and in the last picture in the book she had just turned 27.

It was just so weird. Until now, I never really thought about what her life was like when we were babies. But somehow I feel like I want to identify with that person, the one younger than I am now. Did she feel the same way I do about having two kids? She was always smiling in the pictures, but was she tired and frustrated too? Did she want nothing more than to be taken out for a meal at a nice restaurant and then get a full night of sleep? And you never see my dad (he was behind the camera)--what did he look like then? What was he saying to get us to smile?

It's funny to think about the part of history that gets erased. When you're just left with the pictures, it's easy to forget all the tough parts, or the things that weren't focused on the smiling baby. There's so much more to the story, so many clues I've missed because I was too absorbed in looking at myself. I wonder what kind of history we're creating for our boys?

Posted by jenny at 9:59 AM | Permalink

Mike and Evan have gone out for the day to give me some time to catch up on my sleep. I woke up a little while ago and got a shower, and now I'm just getting caught up on email and blogs. Grady is napping peacefully in his bassinet beside me.

But moments ago, G began screaming bloody murder. I couldn't imagine why, as he'd just been fed and changed, but the cry was so alarming that I rushed over to the bassinet to see what was wrong. It took me a moment to realize that he had grabbed hold of a fistful of his own hair at the back of his head and was pulling it. It must have hurt like hell, but he didn't realize he was doing it so he couldn't stop! I uncurled his fingers from their death grip, and Grady became calm again, but I couldn't stop laughing. You really do have to teach these kids everything.

Posted by jenny at 4:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I must have heavy cream coming out of my breasts, because at his weight check yesterday Grady was up to 8 lbs, 8 oz. My little suckling piglet. He's already getting a double chin. I'm ever so proud that I can fatten him up this way. The funniest part to me is that he doesn't even eat half as often as Evan did--he must just make good use of what he gets.

Grady also had to have his belly button cauterized yesterday. It had been oozy and bloody since the stump fell off last week, so hopefully this will take care of it. While I helped hold G down for the procedure, Evan was being helpful as well--he was behind the doctor, taking apart Grady's medical file. We had a good time at the doctor's office.

Yes, I took both boys out all by myself for the first time yesterday. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. The sling helped a ton, and we were able to do therapy and the doctor without too much hassle. I can guarantee I won't be taking them shopping anytime soon though. That's just not anything I want to experience. Today we have therapy again, so I'll get even more practice. Pretty soon I won't even want to cry in dread when I think about taking them out.

Yesterday's highlight: Singing "American Music" by the Violent Femmes to my two boys in the back seat while we rode around town. Evan didn't even complain about my voice.

Posted by jenny at 8:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I was waiting for it, for the fun to begin, and now it really has. I haven't slept more than two hours a night for the last three. I'm so tired I can barely see straight, and my back is annoyed with me for spending the last two weeks on the couch downstairs. I miss my bed, and I miss being somewhat cheerful, because I've become very grumpy over the last two days.

Grady is an excellent sleeper. During the day, he will sleep in his bassinet between feedings, while Evan and I play together or I do things around the house. He's awake for a good stretch in the morning and again in the early evening. He does well at night too, when I'm holding him. He nurses, he sleeps, but when I go to put him down, he screams. I pick him back up so as not to wake Evan, and he goes to sleep again. But of course, I can't sleep when I'm holding him, so that's where the two hours a night comes in. I don't want to start cosleeping either. We did that with Evan out of necessity, but I really don't feel comfortable doing it this time around.

I could be sleeping now, while Ev is at school, but Grady has been alternating between awake/alert and nursing for the last two hours. So I'm awake too, and typing with one hand. Ten bucks says he'll go back to sleep at 11:30, moments before Ev steps off the bus. I'm feeling very defeated by this. I know this is "normal" for a newborn, but I guess I had forgotten how tired you can get. At least with Evan I could nap when he did. I miss that.

Now he's just crapped in a very loud fashion, so I have to cut this short. Yes, the fun has definitely begun.

Posted by jenny at 10:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Now that my "recovery time" is almost over, I can look back and say everything went very well this time around. The first week was painful, and I had a hard time getting around, but by today I'm feeling pretty much back to normal. My activities are still a bit restricted--no strenuous exercise, no lifting Evan--but for the most part I'm good to go.

The hardest thing over the last two weeks was doing nothing but baby care. Once I came home, I had to continually remind myself that I didn't need to vacuum or do the dishes. As someone who is borderline obsessed with order, it was a big deal for me to give that up. Mike really did have a handle on things though, and I think it helped me greatly not to try to do too much too soon.

My incision is healing nicely, though I spent a good two days terrified to take off my steri-strips. The pain is almost entirely gone also, aside from a little twinge here and there. I've lost 24 of the 33 pounds I gained already, which is great, but I'm still left with a bit of jelly belly. Hopefully breastfeeding and sensible eating will get me the rest of the way there. Speaking of breastfeeding--it is still going so well for us. Grady took to it when he was just a few hours old, and he hasn't stopped since. I'm glad it hasn't been a struggle, and I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I've done it before too.

I think Mike and I feel that way about everything so far this time. We're so much more confident about our parenting skills, and so much calmer about taking care of Grady. With Evan, we had no idea what we were doing, and his first years were so challenging, so we always felt stressed and worried. I'm knocking wood as I say this, but so far Grady is a really good baby, and I'm sure that's partly his disposition and partly us being much more laid back with him. It feels good to do all of this again, because we can really enjoy it this time instead of being nervous wrecks constantly.

That's not to say I'm not nervous, or that things won't be hard sometimes. As a matter of fact, I spent the first four days we were home crying to Mike, just sobbing. I felt like we'd made a huge mistake in having another baby. I missed Evan, and I didn't feel especially bonded with Grady yet, and I longed for the previous week when there were just three of us and I had things under control. I'm not proud of feeling that way, but I'm sure a lot of people do--I was so overwhelmed with responsibility, and hormones, and lack of sleep, and I was sure that we were headed for disaster.

Luckily, those feelings passed, and I'm now feeling really happy. Tired, and still a bit sore, but very happy. I'm glad to have all three of my boys now. We've all fallen in love with Grady in our own ways, and it's exciting to finally be that family of four I'd always dreamed we'd be.

Posted by jenny at 9:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm supposed to be sleeping right now, but I haven't blogged in days and I need to say a little something just to catch up.

I still can't figure out how we ended up naming this kid Grady. It was never on any of our lists, and I swear we didn't even consider it until a few days before he was born. But looking at him now, I can't imagine him being named Simon or Jack or Ben, so I guess we made the right choice. And we haven't had any negative comments about the name (unless people are talking behind our backs, which is fine, but I don't want to know). So now we have a Grady.

Grady is doing incredibly well so far at home. He's nursing like a pro, even though he is a little tongue tied. At his doctor's appointment yesterday, his weight was back up to 7 lbs, 4 oz, so he's on track to be back at his birth weight by the end of the week. And he's sleeping well, though we've yet to hit on the trick of getting him to stay in the bassinet for any length of time. I tried raising the head of the mattress today, so maybe that will do a little something.

Evan is doing well also. He's adjusted better than I had imagined, though he still gets fairly annoyed when Grady cries. Ev does love to kiss him and snuggle him, so I guess he doesn't hold a grudge about all the crying. Tonight, Ev even went so far as to pull up his own shirt and ask if he could "give Grady boobies"--he wanted to nurse him too. Very sweet, but so very far off the mark.

I'm recovering in my own way, but I'll save that entry for tomorrow or the next day. I will say that Mike has been great about getting me what I need most--food and sleep. We've been showered with excellent food from family and neighbors, so our fridge and freezer are completely stocked. It's so nice to not have to worry about all that. Mike just heats me up whatever I'm in the mood for, and we're all set. He's also been letting me get more sleep than I thought I would. I had a nap this afternoon, and every night I get to sleep in our bed from 7-11:30 or so when Mike is ready for bed. That's been working out really well--even if the rest of the night is awful, I'm still able to get a little good rest.

And resting is where I should be now. So that's what I'm going to do.

Posted by jenny at 6:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Here we are, back at home. We actually got home Thursday afternoon, but the time since then has been a blur of feeding and sleeping and trying to get things back to normal. Thanks to everyone who came to see us in the hospital or sent good wishes our way--we really appreciate it.

Mike did a great job talking about the birth, and our time in the hospital, so I don't have much to add to that. I will say that this experience was definitely a positive one, though I had completely blocked out the nasty details of having a c-section. Overall, nothing has been too bad, but I think I forgot how completely wiped out I was for the first week or so, and how hard it is to make sure you don't overdo it. When I had Ev, I only had myself to think of for the five weeks between his birth and his homecoming. That was plenty of time to heal and rest. This time, I've come home to Evan and a brand new baby, and I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed, emotionally and physically.

Lucky for me, Mike has been awesome. He's been taking good care of Evan, making sure to give him as much time and attention as he requires. He's helped me get some time with Ev as well, by taking care of Grady whenever I ask. Mike's been doing laundry, bringing me food, running errands and cleaning house--all without complaint. I honestly appreciate everything he's doing right now, because there's no way I'd be able to do this without him. He's only been a father of two for a few days, and he's already great at it.

Grady is doing very well at home. He's eating a lot, sleeping a lot (though he's not fond of the bassinet, much like his older brother). He's also spitting up and pooping with great regularity, so I think we can safely say things are good. He was down to 6 lbs, 14 ozs when we left the hospital yesterday, so that's a bit of a concern, but since then my milk has come in and I'm sure he'll be packing on the pounds in no time.

Evan is adjusting very well also. He's excited to have baby Grainy in the house, and he's forever giving him kisses and making sure he's wearing a hat. He has even asked to take him on a car ride already, so we're all looking forward to this recovery time being over so we can resume our normal activities. The one thing that really cracked us up though is that Ev has taken one of our lessons to heart. When Ev has one of his little spaz attacks, we often tell him to chill. And this morning, while Grady was crying while he waited for me to be ready to nurse, Ev turned around and shook his finger at him and said, "Chill, Grainy. Watch baseball." Mike and I were hysterical. I guess he's been listening after all.

So that's where we stand at the end of this very busy week. I'm tired, and sore, and anxious to get back to myself. But so far I'm loving having two boys at home, and I know it's going to keep getting better. I'm excited to have such a beautiful family, and I can't wait to see what's next for all of us.

Posted by jenny at 6:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Day #3 was a much quieter affair, which I think every one needed.

We all got a little rest, we all ate, Jennifer got a shower, Grady ate and slept most of the day and I was there to hang out, help out and take it all in. After dinner and a few visitors, we all laid around, napped and watched the Indians game.

Is it a coincidence that Grady Sizemore of the Indians has 2 home runs this week since our Grady was born? I don't think so.

This whole experience continues to amaze me. For most recent parents, our stay here probably sounds ordinary and routine, but after our Evan experience, this is all very different. It's weird to be in the hospital room with the baby all day, and not have to move Jenny via wheelchair down to the NICU. It's nice to be able to change him and snuggle him at will. And tomorrow, it will be very different to bring the baby home.

I thought today about what Jennifer wrote upon her return from the hospital after having Evan:

I return with a nice incision in my deflated belly and a little hole in my heart about leaving our baby behind.

It will be interesting to see what she has to say once she's home. I can't talk enough about the amazing job she's done. I know that she was worried the entire pregnancy, as was I, but she did everything she was supposed to while still taking care of a 4-year-old. Nicely done, best friend. Tomorrow the real fun starts.

Posted by Mike at 11:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Day 2 was a little less stressful than Monday, but just as busy. Jennifer got some much-needed rest overnight, and got to feed Grady a few times in the wee hours. He's taken to nursing like a champ, which is good.

We had a steady stream of visitors today, starting at about 10:30 and lasting until 8:30 p.m. Thanks to everyone that came and stopped by. We're in until at least Thursday so come on down.

Overall, things are very good. Jennifer's up and around and feeling pretty decent. Grady sleeps a lot, and is pretty quiet. He'll fuss a bit but usually he's just hungry and quiets down soon after. If he's this chill once we get him home, things will be pretty sweet. I doubt it, but a guy can dream.

I also took Evan out for a while. We both thought it was a good idea to spend some time this week with Evan. We don't want him to feel left out or that we just have pawned him off on his grandmothers this week. So in between grandmothers today, he and I got to spend some quality time together, which was great. We took a walk around the hospital grounds and went for a ride around Erie. We stopped at the beach and walked on the sand and threw rocks into the water. He had fun, and I did too. I think we'll be spending a lot of time together in the near future, and Jennifer will be focusing on the baby. Good thing we get along so well.

Okay, off to sleep and another day of hanging out. It sounds easy but it takes a lot out of you. Here are a few more photos.

Posted by Mike at 11:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

What a day.

We arrived and met my mother-in-law, who would take Evan for the day (and overnight as well), and blew through registration and headed to Labor and Delivery. We got settled, and the wait began. Evan and my MIL left soon after, and we waited, and waited some more. We watched TV, I paced, we talked and made jokes, I watched an episode of Green Wing, and searched for WiFi.

As a quick aside, seriously St. Vincent, where is the Wifi? You should at least have it in the lobby or cafeteria. At the very least, it would have been nice to have a public internet terminal somewhere, just to post a quick update or send out an email.

Eventually they started to prepare Jennifer. I'll spare you the gory details, but eventually we were ready, and it was time to wait again. After two episodes of mid-90's COPS episodes, we were moved to another L&D room as they got the OR ready for the section. They came for Jennifer, leaving me for nearly 15 minutes to pace around.

When they actually call you into the room, they've begun the procedure and my job switches to comfort and reassurance mode. It was strange to be back in that environment again after 4 years. I sat at Jennifer's head and gave her the play-by-play (at least from what I could see) and told her she was doing great, which she was.

Then the moment came - that scary sound when everything becomes very, very real. The sound - the sputtering and crying of the baby as he's removed from his comfy home of 9 months into the bright, cold operating theatre. I had the same reaction I had when Evan made the same sound. I think it's somewhat like "Holy shit, this is real."

But, that's where the experience stopped being like Evan. When Ev was born, they quickly whisked him away moments after he was born and we didn't get to see him for hours again, except for a Polaroid picture we had been given. This time - I got to take part in all the post-birth activities. I got to help clean him off, check him out and take a footprint. And then, to my surprise, they handed me the swaddled up baby, not three minutes after he was born. With Evan, we didn't get to hold him for almost a week after he was born, and even then it was with a tangle of wires and hoses.

Once Jennifer had taken a quick peek, I got to walk the baby, again to my surprise, to the nursery where we weighed him (7 pounds, 9 ounces), measured him (21 inches) and put some clothes on him. The kid was born with a mop full of black hair, which if he's anything like his brother, will turn blonde soon enough.

I'm so glad I was able to take part in these early activities with him. I think it was hard with Evan to make that really early connection because of all the complications he had.

Then I was off to make some calls and eventually return to Jennifer in recovery.

She did amazingly well, not only during the birth itself but over the entire pregnancy. We were both worried, but she went above and beyond all expections. She was much more alert after the section, mostly due to the fact that she didn't have magnesium sulfate, which she was given last time to help with her life-threatening blood pressure issues. That stuff, according to the nurses we talked with today, F's you up big time.

While she was in recovery, we finally agreed to a name, and it's something that really didn't come into play until just a few days ago, but we both really, really like it. So here it is: Grady Matthew. Yeah. Grady. It's different, but I dig it.

After returning to the room, Jennifer rested for a bit and eventually I went and got the baby from the nursery and they were able to hang out for a bit. At that point, the visitors started. My mom was first, then Jenny's mom and Evan came. My dad came later from Cleveland. I think we'll get the rush of people tomorrow.

I was surprised by how well Evan did. I think he knew something was up all day, what with the getting up early, going to the hospital then being sent off with Grandma for the day. He was happy to see us when he came, and wanted to hold the baby, which he did very, very well. I think it helped he got to spend some time around my sister's newborn a few weeks go. He gave the baby kisses and made sure Grady had his little hat on. "Baby Grainy hat on so no cold." Indeed.

Evan left again, and my folks got the thrill of changing Grady's first diaper. We didn't get to see Evan's first dump, but oh man, what a mess. I was more then happy to pass that one on. He also ate for a bit, which we were excited about. He seems to have no problems latching on and eating, so that's good. We'll keep a close eye on that.

So, at the end of the day, we've got a healthy, happy newborn and a healthy and happy mother. We're so relieved things went smoothly, and it's weird to have the baby with us in the room. When everyone left, it was the three of us. It was nice, as Grady slept on Jennifer's chest, and I chilled in the rocking chair and it was nice and quiet. And again it becomes real. After two years of trying and nine months of pregnancy, we've got a new baby, one that will be home in just a few days.

What a long day, one I'm glad is finally over. Now the real fun begins.

Posted by Mike at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)

Evan's tucked away in bed for the night, Mike's putting out the trash, and I'm doing a few last minute things around the house. Tomorrow's the big day, and I have a feeling that I'm not going to sleep much tonight. I'm nervous and excited and terrified--though Mike keeps telling me to relax and that it's going to be so much easier than last time, I still can't help feeling very anxious.

The weekend was spent cleaning, and doing laundry, and sending Mike to the store multiple times for last minute items. I've been unable to control my urge to clean and tidy up, though at this hour it looks like some things are just going to have to remain undone. I also have been obsessively packing and repacking my bag, as well as making sure that the grandmas have clear instructions for what Ev needs while we're gone. There just seems to be so much to remember, and I don't feel like I'll be able to rest until I'm sure it's all taken care of.

I did take some extra time tonight with Evan, since we're not going to have that for the next week or so. I gave him his bath, and we snuggled in his bed and talked for a while before he went to sleep. I have a feeling he's going to do better than we think with this transition, though I'm sure there will be rough patches as well. I go from being thrilled that he's going to have a sibling to wondering if he's going to hate me for bringing a screeching baby into his house. I hope that he'll be okay, and that I'll be able to spend some special time with him once the new kid is in town.

I know my heart will grow to love another baby too, but that's so hard to see right now. Evan is my boy, and I'm still unable to imagine loving someone else the same way. And I've also been wondering how on earth I'm going to do with two of them, but from what I hear you just do it. I guess all the worrying in the world isn't going to help once I'm on my own with them--I'll just need to figure it out as I go along.

So that's where we sit tonight, on our last night as a family of three. One of us sleeps peacefully, unaware of what the morning brings, and another is ready to worry herself right into the ground. I have a feeling the third one is somewhere in between the first two. And all three of us will be okay.

Posted by jenny at 9:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Today was our 38 week doctor's appointment. These weekly visits are getting silly. Luckily, today was our last one. After a good check of the heartbeat (much easier to find this time), measurements, and cervix (I think he scraped my tonsils), we had a nice talk with the doctor.

I still have made no progress--my cervix is thick and closed, baby is still sideways, and he's still a whopper. So we were given a decision to either wait it out and see if things change, or to go ahead and schedule a c-section. At this point I've just about had it, and I don't feel confident that anything much will change over the next week. So we went ahead and scheduled a repeat c-section for Monday.

Monday, June 5th. Yeah.

The doctor didn't want to sway me either way, but after I decided, he said that's the decision he would have made too. So I feel pretty good about that. And now we have the weekend to enjoy, and get all those last things ready (laundry, etc). And bake cookies. And practice saying the names we've chosen. And my mom is ready to take care of Evan for at least Monday and Tuesday, which is a great relief to us. We're nervous, and excited, and I can't believe it's almost here.

Posted by jenny at 7:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

It's June, ladies and gentlemen, and the countdown is on.....

Posted by jenny at 7:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)