My body, myself

Now that my "recovery time" is almost over, I can look back and say everything went very well this time around. The first week was painful, and I had a hard time getting around, but by today I'm feeling pretty much back to normal. My activities are still a bit restricted--no strenuous exercise, no lifting Evan--but for the most part I'm good to go.

The hardest thing over the last two weeks was doing nothing but baby care. Once I came home, I had to continually remind myself that I didn't need to vacuum or do the dishes. As someone who is borderline obsessed with order, it was a big deal for me to give that up. Mike really did have a handle on things though, and I think it helped me greatly not to try to do too much too soon.

My incision is healing nicely, though I spent a good two days terrified to take off my steri-strips. The pain is almost entirely gone also, aside from a little twinge here and there. I've lost 24 of the 33 pounds I gained already, which is great, but I'm still left with a bit of jelly belly. Hopefully breastfeeding and sensible eating will get me the rest of the way there. Speaking of breastfeeding--it is still going so well for us. Grady took to it when he was just a few hours old, and he hasn't stopped since. I'm glad it hasn't been a struggle, and I'm sure it doesn't hurt that I've done it before too.

I think Mike and I feel that way about everything so far this time. We're so much more confident about our parenting skills, and so much calmer about taking care of Grady. With Evan, we had no idea what we were doing, and his first years were so challenging, so we always felt stressed and worried. I'm knocking wood as I say this, but so far Grady is a really good baby, and I'm sure that's partly his disposition and partly us being much more laid back with him. It feels good to do all of this again, because we can really enjoy it this time instead of being nervous wrecks constantly.

That's not to say I'm not nervous, or that things won't be hard sometimes. As a matter of fact, I spent the first four days we were home crying to Mike, just sobbing. I felt like we'd made a huge mistake in having another baby. I missed Evan, and I didn't feel especially bonded with Grady yet, and I longed for the previous week when there were just three of us and I had things under control. I'm not proud of feeling that way, but I'm sure a lot of people do--I was so overwhelmed with responsibility, and hormones, and lack of sleep, and I was sure that we were headed for disaster.

Luckily, those feelings passed, and I'm now feeling really happy. Tired, and still a bit sore, but very happy. I'm glad to have all three of my boys now. We've all fallen in love with Grady in our own ways, and it's exciting to finally be that family of four I'd always dreamed we'd be.