The time has come

Evan's tucked away in bed for the night, Mike's putting out the trash, and I'm doing a few last minute things around the house. Tomorrow's the big day, and I have a feeling that I'm not going to sleep much tonight. I'm nervous and excited and terrified--though Mike keeps telling me to relax and that it's going to be so much easier than last time, I still can't help feeling very anxious.

The weekend was spent cleaning, and doing laundry, and sending Mike to the store multiple times for last minute items. I've been unable to control my urge to clean and tidy up, though at this hour it looks like some things are just going to have to remain undone. I also have been obsessively packing and repacking my bag, as well as making sure that the grandmas have clear instructions for what Ev needs while we're gone. There just seems to be so much to remember, and I don't feel like I'll be able to rest until I'm sure it's all taken care of.

I did take some extra time tonight with Evan, since we're not going to have that for the next week or so. I gave him his bath, and we snuggled in his bed and talked for a while before he went to sleep. I have a feeling he's going to do better than we think with this transition, though I'm sure there will be rough patches as well. I go from being thrilled that he's going to have a sibling to wondering if he's going to hate me for bringing a screeching baby into his house. I hope that he'll be okay, and that I'll be able to spend some special time with him once the new kid is in town.

I know my heart will grow to love another baby too, but that's so hard to see right now. Evan is my boy, and I'm still unable to imagine loving someone else the same way. And I've also been wondering how on earth I'm going to do with two of them, but from what I hear you just do it. I guess all the worrying in the world isn't going to help once I'm on my own with them--I'll just need to figure it out as I go along.

So that's where we sit tonight, on our last night as a family of three. One of us sleeps peacefully, unaware of what the morning brings, and another is ready to worry herself right into the ground. I have a feeling the third one is somewhere in between the first two. And all three of us will be okay.