Cream of Potato Soup

New Year's Eve at our house means riding the couch with two sick little boys and eating Chinese takeout. This is a vast improvement on last year, when I slept crappily in a vinyl recliner next to Grady's hospital crib while Mike was at home with Evan. I guess it wouldn't be the holidays without somebody being sick, and so far this year I'm the only one in this house to have escaped some form of illness (knock wood).

Evan curled up on my lap earlier this evening, and he put his head next to mine and we just sat, not talking, for almost half an hour. It was glorious. He's all arms and legs now, and all energy and activity, so those silent times with him are getting to be less frequent. He'll be six years old in three weeks, and that six seems to be so old suddenly. Six has no trace of baby left, six is all boy. It scares me a little.

Grady has been nothing but snuggles, as he's definitely the sicker boy tonight. He's all rosy cheeked and nose running, cranky because he wants to eat and drink and play but he just doesn't feel like it. I'm also in the process of weaning him, unintentionally. He was gone for two days with Mike's parents, and since he's been home he hasn't really asked to nurse and I haven't felt the need to make him. It's odd, because he usually wants to nurse more when he's sick, but I think this may be the end of our time together. I wanted to make it until age two, because that's how long Evan went, but I guess 18 months isn't awful. I just wish I had known that the last time he nursed on Friday would be the last time--I would have tried to remember it better. I can't help but feel sad as this chapter comes to an end.

I'm changing too. Just tonight I changed my email address (if you want the new one, write me at the old one or comment below), and I'm getting rid of my MySpace (I never check it, and I haven't ever spent the time it takes to make it look like something). I'm contemplating the future of this blog. I'm getting ready to make some changes at home, which are all for the better, in the hopes of helping Mike get better and making sure our family has a great year together.

Here's to a wonderful 2008!

Posted by jenny at 9:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It's quiet again here this morning, but for a totally different reason. I met Mike's dad in Ashtabula last night to give him my boys for the weekend. Evan was really anxious to try out the suitcase he got for Christmas, and Mike's folks thought (correctly) that we could use a little break around here. So I'm enjoying my child-free weekend so far--Mike and I watched car chases on tv last night, and slept in until 8 this morning. Who knows what the rest of the day may hold?

The reason we needed the break was that Mike hasn't been feeling well for all of Christmas. The testing he had done back on the 20th seems to have caused things to worsen, and this culminated in an ER visit Thursday. He's now back at home, with strict instructions to take it easy, and hopefully that will keep things from getting any worse. We're still stuck with how to fix the problem though--right now we're just managing the symptoms and that's not really getting us anywhere. Thanks to everyone who has been thinking of us though, it means a lot.

I find myself feeling adrift when the kids are not here. My purpose in life is gone. Everything I do all day long is for the boys, and when they aren't here I feel aimless. It usually takes me a day to get my footing, to start acting like a regular person instead of strictly a mom, but by then the boys will be home again. I'm like this every time though--moaning about how much I just need a break, but missing my little guys like crazy when I get one. I guess my heart is going to always be torn now, but I know they are in good hands and Evan will be full of stories when we pick him up tomorrow.

Posted by jenny at 8:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's quiet in my house for the first time in two days. We've been celebrating Christmas with Mike's family, and while we always have fun, it's very loud with four boys running and screaming together all day long. And this year (like many years), two of the four boys were not feeling well so there was that to deal with too. But it was a great weekend, and the boys were spoiled and we all ate too much and I'm thankful for a night to recover before it starts again tomorrow with my family.

Evan's big hit gifts so far were a scooter (which he's been riding around the downstairs) and his very own digital camera, while Grady is digging his play tunnel and new books. It's fun to watch them get so excited over every gift, and I wish we could slow down the frenzy of ripping paper to really enjoy the unwrapping. I'll have to work on that the next two days.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday so far, filled with family and friends, good food and lots of laughs. Merry Christmas!

Posted by jenny at 7:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My feet are freezing, even though I've been going like a maniac around here all evening. My circulation should be aces. I'm trying to get all kinds of last minute things done before Mike's family descends upon us tomorrow, but I fear I'm fighting a losing battle. The bathroom's clean at least, and that's what counts.

It's been kind of a crazy week for us. Today Mike had the first of two large scale gastrointestinal tests--the next one comes Thursday. This meant him being out of commission for most of yesterday and today, which was no fun for him at all. I played my usual part--trying to help him while holding down the fort and assuring him all will be well. I've been doing that now for the better part of a year, and I can only hope that these latest tests will get us some answers and get Mike some relief.

It sucks to be standing by, helpless, while your partner has to deal with all of this garbage. And I know he feels guilty for being sick all the time and putting me through all the helpless feelings. He's been on that side too and remembers that it is no fun. So we trudge through, take some tests, and I try to make him laugh while again saying it will all be fine.

And tomorrow Christmas starts for us. It's the last day of school and work until next year, and I'm glad for the break. It will be nice to celebrate a bit, and hopefully everyone (especially my poor husband) will stay healthy enough to enjoy it.

Posted by jenny at 11:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Grady had his 18 month checkup yesterday, and all is well. He's running and climbing and yapping and doing all the things a little guy should. He's up to 23 pounds and still 30 inches, which means he either hasn't grown any taller in the last three months or they really stretched him out too far last time they measured. Nothing to worry about, he's been a peanut and is going to continue being a peanut. Maybe he'll become a jockey. Aside from him being a bit on the tiny side, everything is going so well for him. It's just such a relief after all the anxiety with Evan to just hear that things are normal. You really appreciate it so much more when you've already walked that other road.

Evan is all wrapped up in Christmas. He's constantly peering up the chimney or insisting that he hears reindeer on the roof. And they must be learning a load of Christmas carols in school, because every day he comes home with a new one. Today it was "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer", which I tried to convince him was actually "Jenny the Red Faced Mommy". He wasn't buying. It's fun to see him so excited, I just hope he's not disappointed if Santa doesn't bring him everything he asked for. He wants a GPS system for crying out loud. The elves can only do so much.

My dear husband has nearly been elected county assessor--you can read about it here. The whole thing is cracking me up. This kind of crazy stuff seems to happen to us all the time. Even if he doesn't end up with the position, just laughing our asses off over the Board of Elections letter was enough for me. This is what it's like to be married to Mike, if you were wondering. Never a dull moment at our house.

As for me, I'm getting a lot done around the old homestead lately, which is great. It's been a long and tiring week--I painted the dining room finally, and it's taken me a few days to get things back in order. I feel much better now that it's done though, so that should count for something. Now I can go ahead and put up the Christmas tree this weekend. Mike and I really want to get LED lights for the tree this year, but we'll see if that actually happens. Time is running short.

Posted by jenny at 8:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's December 7th, and I'm not feeling Christmas yet. I'm usually the first person on the holiday bandwagon, getting my decorations up the weekend after Thanksgiving, and sending all my cards out December 1st. Not so this year. I have barely started shopping even--the only people I have done are my two nephews and my Erie Blogs Secret Santa (of course).

I'm not sending Christmas cards this year--and yes, I can hear the collective gasp. It just has been getting to be more of a hassle than anything, and expensive! I'd rather donate the money we usually spend to our favorite charity and have Mike make everyone a nice e-card (something he's been wanting to do for the last few years, but I always have pushed for paper).

Most of my friends whom I've talked to about this feel the same way. I don't know if it's getting older or feeling jaded by commercialism or what, but none of us are into it the way we used to be. I guess I want to make this time more about friends and family and the blessings that we have, and get away from the stress and the worry of it. Christmas should be a time of joy, and especially a time for the magic and wonder that it brings to the kids.

I'm going to try to focus on that this year in our little family. It may mean scaling back a little on the decor, baking fewer cookies because we're doing it with the help of little hands, or not writing out 50 Christmas cards, but I'm hoping we'll be better for it. I want to teach Evan about joy and love and the spirit of giving, not Mommy fretting over her to do list or grumbling like Scrooge.

Posted by jenny at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

The big boy bed is working out okay. After three nights, G's had one bad, one good, and one fair night, so I guess we're coming along. He definitely likes playing in his new bed, that's for sure. And the fact that it has Elmo and sports all over it is just fantastic. Grady will just sit there pointing at the comforter saying, "Eh-po" (Elmo) and "bah" (ball) repeatedly until he gets bored and starts jumping up and down on the mattress. Life is good.

Evan has Santa's Workshop at school today, where the kids can buy little gifts for family members for Christmas. I remember this fondly from my elementary school days, so I was excited for Ev to participate. He decided to shop for his grandparents only, and he had his list and little envelope all ready to go this morning. I'm interested to see what he comes home with this afternoon. I have a sneaking suspicion that the grandmas and grandpas will be getting things that Evan himself would love to play with. Just a guess.

I'm doing laundry and peering out the window at our third day of snow in a row. Snow is so pretty, but I really don't enjoy shoveling it or driving in it, so I'm hiding in the house. I'll be okay until we run out of milk or something.

Posted by jenny at 1:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Grady's currently 1.5 hours into his new life, that of a kid sleeping in his own regular bed. Really, it only meant taking one side off the crib and swapping bumper and sheet for the Elmo toddler bedding, though it seems like a much bigger step than that. But he's been coming into our bed a lot more lately, and Mike thinks it's because he's getting cold, so he's got a regular sheet and blanket and little pillow and he'll be a lot more comfy this way. Here's hoping this works so that I can get some more sleep and stop being such a crabass.

Unfortunately, this new arrangement means we've had to put a baby gate at the bedroom door. This is annoying the crap out of Evan. He can climb over it, but the injustice at having a baby gate in front of his door is just about more than he can take. There is nothing big boy about this, and he's going to let me know that for the next several days I'm sure. As I type this he's whispering something unintelligible in the dark, probably something about life being so unfair and why him, anyway?

So I'm sitting here, trying not to be anxious about Grady falling out of bed and feeling the hives popping up on my face anyway. I wasn't ready for this transition already, minor as it may seem to everyone else. Every step G takes moves him further from the baby he was and closer to the boy he's becoming. I'm not sure I want to give up that baby just yet.

Posted by jenny at 9:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)