Awake and alive

It's quiet again here this morning, but for a totally different reason. I met Mike's dad in Ashtabula last night to give him my boys for the weekend. Evan was really anxious to try out the suitcase he got for Christmas, and Mike's folks thought (correctly) that we could use a little break around here. So I'm enjoying my child-free weekend so far--Mike and I watched car chases on tv last night, and slept in until 8 this morning. Who knows what the rest of the day may hold?

The reason we needed the break was that Mike hasn't been feeling well for all of Christmas. The testing he had done back on the 20th seems to have caused things to worsen, and this culminated in an ER visit Thursday. He's now back at home, with strict instructions to take it easy, and hopefully that will keep things from getting any worse. We're still stuck with how to fix the problem though--right now we're just managing the symptoms and that's not really getting us anywhere. Thanks to everyone who has been thinking of us though, it means a lot.

I find myself feeling adrift when the kids are not here. My purpose in life is gone. Everything I do all day long is for the boys, and when they aren't here I feel aimless. It usually takes me a day to get my footing, to start acting like a regular person instead of strictly a mom, but by then the boys will be home again. I'm like this every time though--moaning about how much I just need a break, but missing my little guys like crazy when I get one. I guess my heart is going to always be torn now, but I know they are in good hands and Evan will be full of stories when we pick him up tomorrow.