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Last night Mike and I were trying to figure out if we're overprotective parents. We were driving home through town and saw a little boy (younger than Ev) running in and out of the street in front of his house, no parents in sight. So we started talking. Would we let Evan play outside without us? In the backyard? Out front? What about at the neighbor's? We've never let him outside without direct supervision, and we don't know at what point we will.
Let me say that for all intents and purposes, Evan is a perfectly normal six year old. He has his quirks, but he doesn't do anything that's reckless, he's a stickler for the rules, and he's pretty smart. Is he old enough to play in the back of the house without me being out there with him? I am sure I did at that age, but our yard was fenced in and I think my parents knew every person in every house on our street and the next. We live in a nice safe neighborhood with not much traffic, and most of our neighbors work with Mike, but I don't know if I feel like he'd be okay out by himself.
When can kids ride their bikes to Country Fair to buy Now and Laters? When can he pack a lunch and walk to the park with a gang of his buddies? When can he go to a friend's house without me taking him there? When can he go to the mall with friends and spend too much time hanging out at the arcade? I know when I did all these things, but my brain keeps saying things were different then. Maybe they weren't that different, but I feel like we were somehow safer.
Or maybe I didn't know the danger. My mom used to warn us about the bad kids who hung out in the pits at the Millcreek Mall, but she never warned us about sexual predators. Our principal made us recite "We don't walk or talk or ride with strangers. We don't take anything, we don't give directions, and we don't show them anything," every day before we left school (it never occurred to me what I might "show" them, but I was only 7). I know Ev knows all these things, we've talked to him about "stranger danger" and looking both ways when you cross the street, but I'm still hesitant about giving him the wiggle room.
I don't want to be one of those parents who can't let go, whose rules are suffocating, who doesn't want their child to grow up. I guess I'm just not sure of the best way to let him.
my daughter just turned 8, and i still am always outside with her when she\'s outside. maybe that\'s just because i don\'t do other stuff when she\'s over, but i\'m still uncomfortable doing it anyways.
i still get nervous when she goes to the bathroom by herself in a public place.
Posted by: ron at April 25, 2008 2:45 PMi think even gets to go to country fair to get now and laters when he can ride his bike up a really steep hill and not hyperventilate. and then he can get some faygo pop and refresh himself by the mailbox, assuming he didn\'t crash into it while riding wildly with his feet on the handlebars...no really, you are great parents and things are definitely different these days!! :)
Posted by: cara at April 25, 2008 8:12 PMI don\'t think things are much more dangerous now than 20 or 30 years ago, but thanks to sensationalist media and the Internet, we hear about every incident that happens. They happened just as much back in the day, but the information was kept local instead of being (inter)nationally broadcast.
Let E play outside by himself *if he wants to*. Or better, let him play outside with his friends. They can look after one another. He should choose his own boundaries and comfort zone to a certain extent. Supervise his choices, but let him try some independence when he wants it, instead of when you think he is ready. He knows better!
At six, I was running around the neighborhood making movies with friends in a NJ town, and I walked to school by myself from the middle of 1st grade. It was maybe a 10-15 minute walk.
I am very grateful to my parents for allowing me to be an independent kid. They loved me, taught me the important things in life (by example), and trusted me to be safe and smart. I\'m sure I caused them plenty of worried moments, but Yay, Mom & Dad!
Posted by: Kristen at April 25, 2008 11:54 PM
