If I see your face again

It's been a weird past few days for me--we were gone over Easter, we leapt right back into a million things this week, and I feel like I haven't had a moment to think. But the thing that's been on my mind most is that several people have popped up in my life this week--people I haven't spoken to or seen in a while, and it's left me feeling kind of strange.

A few old friends from high school and college found me on Facebook this week, and it's been nice to reconnect. I had a long chat with a pal that I miss but just don't talk to much anymore. I saw some people that I wasn't expecting to see. There are so many of these people in everyone's lives--the ones that you didn't fall out with, you just drifted apart due to time and place and whatever.

The thing that bugs me about all of these interactions, whether online or on the phone or in the grocery store, is that they just feel so superficial. I ask about spouses, I gush over photos of children, I throw in a "remember when" and that's it. I would guess after the initial contact I won't hear from these people again, unless they give a thumbs up on one of my status updates or comment on a photo or happen to run into me in the cereal aisle.

And I guess that's okay, but the part that makes me feel so weird is that each one of these people I'm thinking of were really close to me at one time. They knew my secrets, my fears, I trusted them with my heart, I laughed and cried with them, I maybe even loved some of them. And I don't really want to know how the kids are or how the job is going. I really want to ask them if they are happy. If things turned out the way they wanted them to, and if they didn't, are they okay? Are they as creeped out as I am by how quickly the time passed? Do they ever think of me?

When they tell me that, I'll want to tell them about how I've been. How I am absolutely certain I married the right guy but beyond that I'm not sure of much at all. How I love my boys but that it's way harder to be a stay-at-home mom than I thought. How I miss them, how I think of them at the weirdest times, how I can't believe this is how the story ended up.

But that's not how this works. So I'll tell them how great everything is, how proud I am of my husband, I'll agree that my boys are adorable, and I'll say "remember the time we skipped school to watch the solar eclipse?" and I'll say that it was nice to hear from them again, tell them to take care. And that will be that.